Search Results for: how to talk to children about death

Talking to Children After the Death of a Loved One

5 Sep


Emotions surrounding death weather sudden or expected are difficult for adults to process let alone little hearts who are not accustomed to the pain of loss.

Our pain may manifest itself in anger, withdrawal, or a lack of focus. Theirs may or may not look similar. Underneath whatever behavior is on display are little hurting hearts that miss their grandparents, aunts, uncles, parents, friends, or siblings.

How do we talk to these hearts at their greatest point of need? How do we address their fears and feelings? I would offer, with much prayer, affection, and an open posture towards talking about the deceased.

Recently we had a family member pass away very unexpectedly. While our youngest doesn’t truly understand death at this point, or maybe this loss wasn’t close enough to impact him very much, our oldest is having difficulty letting go.

I have found it helpful for her to express her emotions by asking God to, “Please tell Mrs. Carol that I love her and I miss her and thank you for the presents you gave me.” She has also drawn her many cards and played with the toys that were gifts from Mrs. Carol.

This summer we helped the kids to memorize the 23rd Psalm. In this passage David states: “Event though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.” As we state this passage often I sense that our children will one day draw strength and comfort from these words. This perhaps is a good time for us to expand on what these verses are saying.

In the midst of death, Jesus, the Good Shepherd, is with us. He comforts us and extends His mercies toward us. The 23rd Psalm may be a source of comfort for your children as they walk through the days in the valley.

Finally, reading stories about death provides a window in which we express, “This is a good time to talk about how you are feeling.” These are the books that we found helpful to our children in dealing with loss:

We will not always have the most eloquent words to say to little hurting hearts; that is not the point. Out of our overflow of grief and sympathy  it is most important that we are open to communicating and comforting. Being the arms that hug, the lap to sit on, and the prayer of prayers that seek comfort and wisdom, this is our gift and our strength in talking to children after they loose someone they love.

Praying the God of all comfort will comfort your heart and your child’s at your point of deepest sorrow.

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Filed Under: Family, Life, What I Am Reading Wednesday Tagged With: , ,

12 Books to Celebrate Dad

6 Jun

He’s the wrestle champion, BBQ extraordinaire, advice giver, spiritual leader, firm foundation, trend setter, bread winner, shoulder to cry on. Yes sir, I am talking about Dad! It’s June and time to celebrate the fathers in our life. Below are 12 books that highlight dads and the special place they hold in the family, and in their children’s hearts.

A few ideas for sharing this particular stack of books:

  •  place these in a book basket and encourage your older, literate children to read them to your younger children
  •  have this special stack set aside for dad to read aloud
  • snuggle in close with your children and read them aloud yourself

In my own community, there are several families who will endure this day as they remember the man no longer here. A dear friend of mine wrote a post several years ago about her own family’s experience with Father’s Day soon after the death of her husband. If this sounds like someone you know, please pass this post along. Also, read it for yourself to see how you can help a family during this holiday. While these book suggestions below may not meet the needs of a family in such a situation, I may have one recommendation. Why not grab a copy and read aloud a stack of books, or a book, that your children’s father loved reading to them? Or maybe you could read a portion of his favorite book. I think this would be a nice way to remember the man and honor his memory even while acknowledging the huge loss.

For the dads still present with us today, we can’t wait to celebrate you! Here are 12 books to get started:

Danny’s dad takes him on illegal excursions (pheasant poaching), but this is a fun father/son story that you and your children won’t forget!

 

What books would you add to this list? Happy Father’s Day!

 

 

 

 

Purchase my book, Thirty Balloons: An Adoption Tale, on Amazon.

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Dear Paw Paw: A Life Remembered

19 Apr

Dear Paw Paw,

Last night you stepped out of time and space and stepped into eternity with King Jesus, the Maker of heaven and earth. The hope of Heaven is realized and every ailment and tear removed. You’ve been given a new body and issued new work. Oh to hear the stories you could tell about all your eyes have seen, ears have heard, and soul felt as now you know fully, even as you have been fully known for the 85 years you lived in this life. Welcome to eternity Paw Paw!

Ask different people in our community and family as to how they will remember you as they look back on your life well-lived, and they may say a number of things: athlete, serviceman, coach, teacher,  principal, disciple maker, father, friend, fisherman, sportsman, and for my Grammie, faithful husband of 62 years. For me, however, I like to remember you as gardener, hard worker, loyal member of your community, and teller of stories and a few yarns. Perhaps someone should add a real character to this list. I think that would be fitting.

The picture I will hold in my mind’s eye, is one of you sitting in your work clothes, sweaty from the garden you faithfully kept until a few years ago–just as your mother and father before you–drinking a Coke Cola, and eating a Nutty Bar. After your snack you would head out fishing and enjoy time in nature. It wasn’t until recently that I connected your and Dad’s love of fishing with my own love of hiking and exploring nature. I didn’t inherit the Cost/Davis fishing gene, so I never went on too many fishing trips. I simply couldn’t, and can’t, sit still and wait that long for a fish.  I do enjoy a boat ride just the same.

There are two pieces of wisdom you directly related to me which I will hold onto and follow. The first one being how we can repay our parents for the sacrifices they made to raise us. You passed on this information to me shortly after the death of your mother. Ron and I were newlyweds and we couldn’t make the 500 mile trip for her funeral. The next time we came home, you were out walking and I drove by and rolled my window down to talk. You told me that your mama said the only way we can really repay our parents for all they did for us, was by raising our own children well. I have thought of that often, Paw Paw. I just thought you should know.

The second piece of advice was concerning sports. Having been an athlete yourself, and then coaching dozens or hundreds of young men, you told me that you wouldn’t put your son in sports until they were in middle or high school. You said injury and burn out were too likely and to let our son(s) play for fun before getting serious about a sport. I agreed, and still do.

A few particular memories that I have of you are snippets from my childhood. I have a tendency to forget large chunks of time, but there are some vivid memories that remain. Like each Christmas morning when you and Aunt Ginger would come and see what presents we had received. Or the time you came and picked Mom, Julie, and I up to take to your and Grammie’s house during the Blizzard of ’93 while Dad was out restoring people’s electricity. As well as the time you and Ginger also came to pick us up after we got our pickup truck stuck in the deer woods and had to walk to civilization. I also vaguely remember a story about Brett and Chase riding their bicycles through the Jemison Elementary School  hallways after the original wood floors were newly stained. I don’t think you were to happy with them then. I’ll be sure and ask them about that later.

By far, of all your accomplishments and accolades in this life from friends and colleagues, the greatest gift you gave this world was being a faithful husband and father to your wife and three beautiful girls. That is a legacy that will live on for generations. God promises us that this is so (see Exodus 20:6). I also agree with G.K. Chesterton, The most extraordinary thing in the world is an ordinary man and an ordinary woman and their ordinary children. I am forever grateful for being a part of an ordinary family; in today’s world that is an extraordinary thing.

We are joyful you are Home and tearful that you are gone. I love you Paw Paw…see you when I get Home.

P.S. Everyone knows behind a great man is an excellent woman. No one who knows you doubts this. We will take good care of Grammie for you. She is a rare jewel.


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What Activities Await in Heaven?

24 Jan

What activities await in heaven

The children followed, somehow able to move against the thundering flow. Nothing like this was possible in the old world.

“Further up and further in!” Were the words spoken? Or were their hearts shouting from within?

They reached a golden gate that suggested the beginning of an even greater discovery.

~C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle

Many a cartoon has depicted heaven as a place where we will sit on clouds of white and strum harps for eternity. However, the God who created the universe, galaxies,  and starry hosts, in addition to carving canyons, raising mountains, and flooding grassy plains with wildflowers seems a bit more apt to consider an eternity of harp playing even more mundane and pointless than we would.

God is the greatest artist, most well-known author (the Bible is the number one best selling book of all time), the all-knowing scientist, judge of all, and Master of the time, space, and matter He created in every way.

Because we are created in the image of God, we are then able to create, design, and imagine even in our fallen state. The New Heaven and New Earth will contain elements of the earth we now know: art, worship in music, song, and dance, perhaps building, decorating, designing, and instruction.

Simply because we will know God for who He is and comprehend His greatness and majesty in a way that is veiled to us at present doesn’t mean that we will know every craft and trade and possess all knowledge to complete jobs. Perhaps in Heaven we will learn new trades by which we can benefit our heavenly society and magnify God.

While the absence of crime, death, and decay will necessarily delete some jobs from Heaven (physicians, dentists, police and firefighters), not all levels of judiciary are swept away. Consider, many verses concerning heaven state that the saints will rule the universe, judge the angels, and that the Lord will appoint the rulers and authorities of heaven in accordance with His will and our faithfulness. (See Mark 10:40, Luke 19:11-27, 1 Corinthians 6:3

All this talk of jobs may have you thinking that Heaven may instead be a place of all work and no play. Nonsense!!! I should hope not. I must tell you that I am looking forward to heavenly recreation as well. Hiking, kayaking, sports, and horseback riding may be just a few of the recreational enjoyments that await. One difference in heaven is that our work will not be toil but an outward working of enjoyment and worship. An outworking of our mind and body minus the hope deflating struggle we battle spiritually and physically on fallen earth.

Consider the following words of King David:

In Your presences is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” ~Psalm 16:11

God has the best yet to come for us in Heaven as perfect relationship and dominion over His creation will be restored.

The God who created us to do good works (Ephesians 2:10) will not cancel this purpose when he resurrects us to inhabit the new universe (Luke 19:11-27). ~Randy Alcorn, Heaven

Perhaps you will spend time in study seeking what the scriptures have to say regarding Heaven and the activities that await. Randy Alcorn’s book, Heaven, sections seven and twelve go much deeper on these subjects if you would like further reading. He also has multiple quotes from other resources that will direct you further in your study.

Looking forward to all that awaits us in Heaven,

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Prayers for Newtown

18 Dec


Friday afternoon, December 14th,  I sat on my bed licking envelopes with a bitter taste in my mouth and a burden on my heart. There I sat sealing Christmas cards complete with beautiful pictures of our children and healthy family. Meanwhile, hundreds of miles away, twenty sets of parents learned the tragic news that their precious babies ranging in age from 6 to 7, had given of their last earthly embrace. Only hours before they said goodbye to siblings and moms and dads and bounded through the front doors of Sandy Hook Elementary School. Likewise, six vibrant women showed up to work for the last time, completely unaware that they were minutes away from the threshold of eternity.

In the wake of such tragedy, I attempt to process the reality of Friday’s shooting. This horrific event is utterly unimaginable.

As we mourn with the victim’s families, I would like to offer prayer suggestions that we as believers can petition on their behalf.

You can do more than pray, after you have prayed, but you cannot do more than pray until you have prayed.~John Bunyan

Prayers for the city of Newtown, Connecticut and Sandy Hook Elementary School:

  • pray for the families comfort by the Holy Spirit
  • pray for the salvation of each victim’s family
  • pray that the marriages in the families surrounding the victims would hold together under the weight of such grief
  • pray for the siblings
  • pray for the unexpected Christmas that is upon them
  • pray for the first responders who viewed the horrific scene and the examiners that autopsy the victims’ bodies- pray that God would grant them sleep and reprieve from the images that they will carry in their minds the rest of their lives
  • pray that the students, families, and first responders would get the counseling, spiritual, and medical treatment they need to deal with the post traumatic stress of this event
  • pray that out of this horrific tragedy people would become followers of Christ Jesus
  • pray for the local churches to be salt and light in this great hour of darkness
  • pray for local pastors as they prepare their sermons- may they be the very words of God speaking to a grieving and seeking people
  • pray for the local mayor, school board, and the governor of Connecticut as they make decisions moving Sandy Hook Elementary School forward
  • pray that the media would not glorify the gunman and so encourage other violent acts from mentally and emotionally unstable people
  • pray for the gunman’s brother and father whose lives have been forever altered-for their salvation and peace in the days ahead
  • pray for wisdom for parents as they try to communicate the events of last Friday to their children
  • pray for our nation as we react to these events-may we consider the real issue of the heart of sinful man and may we respond in humility and repentance as a nation
  • pray that Christians would use this as an opportunity to preach the gospel and share the comfort of the Holy Spirit

Father God,

The events of last Friday did not take you by surprise. Like us, this evil act grieves your heart. For you made man to bring you glory and we returned the gift of life with sin and evil.

Thank you Lord that you love the little children and you welcome them to come unto you. Thank you that the Bible provides hope that the children killed in Friday’s shooting have had their tears wiped away by the very hand of God. 

You are a loving and just God. We lift the above prayer requests to you and ask that your will would be done on earth as it is in heaven. We long for the day when you will return and create a new heaven and a new earth where there will be no more sin, striving, nor death. Come Lord Jesus and prepare the hearts of your people for your return.

We love you Lord and it is in Jesus name that we pray,

Amen.

 

 

Further Reading Recommendations:

1. The Gospel and Newtown by David Platt (here)

2. Newtown As I Know It by Jamie at Simple Homeschool (here)

3. Talking to Children After the Death of a Loved One (here)

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Good Friday Not Good People

6 Apr

So when Pilate saw that he was gaining nothing, but rather that a riot was beginning, he took water and washed his hands before the crowd, saying, “I am innocent of this man’s blood; see to it yourselves.” And all the people answered, “His blood be on us and on our children!” then he released for them Barabbas, and having scourged Jesus, delivered him to be crucified.

~ Matthew 27:24-26

Many people believe that they are “good people.” Failing to compare ourselves to God, we can always find someone worse than us.  One elderly lady I witnessed to last year said that she doesn’t do bad things “like those politicians.”

Like Pilate, we wash our hands of Jesus blood when our pride says, “I have not sinned, I am a good person.”

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus

~Romans 3:23-24

Jesus did not drink the cup of God’s wrath for good people. Rather, when sin entered the world through Eve and Adam eating of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, good people ceased to exist. All people thereafter became fallen, sinful, lost people separated from their Creator by our sin nature. Christ drank the cup of God’s wrath against sin so that fellowship between God and man could be restored for eternity.

Christ’s sacrifice is not a blanket forgiveness for all people. His blood sacrifice provides forgiveness of sins for those who repent, turn from their sin in confession and action, and believe on Christ Jesus for salvation.

If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. ~Romans 10:9-10

We continually strive to teach the children scriptural truths. A few weeks ago Ron talked to Emily about her sin nature. He explained that we all have a sin nature that is contrary to God. Since that time we have used teachable moments when Emily wants to disobey to reinforce this teaching on the sin nature versus following in obedience to God’s commands.

Earlier this week Emily asked if we would cry in heaven. I told her God will wipe away every tear. At this point I do not know if there will be ongoing wiping of the tears for eternity or a one time event. Next she asked what would happen if she disobeyed in heaven. Insightful questions indeed! I said those who believe on Jesus as their savior will live in heaven and upon earthly death will loose their sin nature. In heaven we will not have a sin nature at all. Praise Jesus! Emily’s face lit up and her mouth and eyes widened in surprise. She replied, “How will He take it out? How will He get it out of our stomachs?”

The priests and onlookers shouted out that Christ’s blood be on them and on their children. However, His blood is on each of our hands as we have all sinned against God.

Praise the Lord Jesus Sunday comes after Good Friday. Let us ponder today the cross and crucifixion of Christ and praise Him for His substitutionary sacrifice on our behalf.

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