When Plans Fall Through

25 Oct

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We have been told reunification was coming for over 6 months now. Little E has had four days of over night visits for the last 7 weeks. It was all set. We would stand before the judge in just a week and a half and wait for him to declare reunification of our foster son of over 1 year with one of his biological parents.

I have mentally made a list of all that I should pack and send “home” with him. How do you pack up a two year old who loves you as a mom and dad, and whom you love as a son, in any way that he will understand you are not another person to walk out of his life? That is a question I have mulled over for 4-6 months.

All the planning, all the crying, all the disciplining and decision making was to culminate and we were to find a new normal in a few short weeks.

That all changed with a phone call yesterday.

In short, one parent’s bad choices caught up with them and thank goodness before reunification had taken place. As these plans fall through we can shake our head at this adult’s repeated poor decision making, or we can say “thank God He revealed this before E was reunified.”

My mom told me earlier this week that her Sunday school class had a special time of prayer for us. Thanks be to God! The prayers of the saints are being heard and God’s will is going forward. We have seen the protective hand of God upon this child even and especially a midst all the pain that life has dealt him.

When plans fall through, when expectations stop short, when what we had anticipated dies, God is there with every twist and bend. He is there in every valley and mountain peak.

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)

When plans fall through His arm is outstretched so that we do not fall but have hope,  joy, and peace that passes understanding though they may ebb and flow as the ocean tide.

What plans have fallen through for you today dear one? Have you entrusted your requests to God? Have you enlisted the prayer support of even one or two other individuals? God is not silent when your plans fall through. He uses the Body and His Word to speak love over your situation and grace in the presence of pain.

Take heart this weekend friends.

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The Salt and Light of Fostering

23 Sep

Salt and Light of Fostering

We continue to pour into the life that God has allowed to grow and flourish within our home for the last year. We, and those in our sphere, have sought to be the salt and light of Jesus to our child.  Today we await yet another decision on reunification with his biological parents. In the waiting, I would like to pause and remember our foster care journey as documented at This Temporary Home, and invite you to join me over at iBelieve to read my confessions as a first time foster mom. Click here to read this post.

Thank you for your prayers for our Little E. and thank you to the over twenty-five new e-mail subscribers of This Temporary Home in the last weekend. Your presence is an honor and a trust. Enjoy this look back with us at our foster journey from the earliest days to the present.

  • Tomorrow’s Race (here)
  • Pour Another Cup (here)
  • Simple Addition (here)
  • Lessons for Everyday (here)
  • Lord Give Me Eyes to See (here)
  • I Must Remember This (here)
  • Confessions of  A First-Time Foster Mom (here)

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Finding Grace

21 Jun

flowers

When we dropped Little E off for one of his weekly visits with his biological father, my heart broke once again over this little boy. If and when E is reunited with his parent(s), the difficult circumstances that he found himself in the first two and a half years of life will not vanish without a trace. Our stresses of three children will return to only two, our frustrations with the state and its ways and regulations will momentarily be put on hold until we feel  we are ready to serve and love another child, and our contact with this precious child will be primarily non-existent.

As our car pulled out of the gas station where we meet his dad, tears filled my eyes and I told God once again, “This is not fair.” Only weeks before I had written a post for iBelieve on the subject of fairness.  I am linking to it below. Once you have read the article in full, please come back and see if you would add anything to the list of God’s grace in E’s case. If I think on it, I know there are multiple graces in the face of a seemingly unfair situation.

Even if we have not verbalized it, we have all thought it, “That was not fair, God.” Someone else was rewarded the promotion at work, the date with the guy, the house that we bid on. Another friend tells of her unexpected pregnancy when we have labored in prayer over just one child. Children are born with disease, into poverty-stricken homes, or left as orphans.

It’s simply not fair. He is not fair. Or is He? If He is, do we sincerely desire God to treat us fairly?

Think for a moment, what our lives would look like if God treated us as we so often demand: fairly. What if that which we worked for was all that His hand allowed; if people, including our families, treated us only with the kindness and respect which we have shown toward them void of mercy and forgiveness; if our religion was based on merited works?

My life, for one, would look drastically different if God treated me tit for tat. Would yours?

Click here to continue reading the entire article over at iBelieve.

God’s grace is demonstrated to E in his placement into a loving, Christ-filled home. Yes, he is separated from his biological parents, but he has received the best medical attention we could give him, he sleeps in a safe environment, and has two great siblings. Had it not been that he was taken away from his family he may have gone much of his childhood void of the message of Jesus and God’s great love for him.

This all reminds me of a Laura Story song that I am sure you have heard. If not, click here, or on the link  below and close our time today in reflections on the grace wrapped in pains of life.

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Lord Give Me Eyes to See

19 Feb

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In life, when  looking at something from a distance we often cannot make out what we see with exact clarity.

 “Circle, hand, flag, stable, cross…” Emily stated as she labeled each picture for the nurse administering the vision screening. The stable, really a cup, was discussed more closely and even revealed to Emily, but as she covered the other eye and read the symbols from right to left this time, she continued with, “cross, stable, flag, hand, circle.”

Perhaps it is the same with us adults? We see a situation looming in our near future or planted square in front of our noses and we have this ominous presence of anxiety about that which may happen.

Uncertainty can be a ferocious devourer of peace.

boys and dump truck

For five months we have welcomed Little E into our family and hearts. We love and understand him more and more with each passing day, as he us. Recent progress made on the part of his family lead us to believe we will have him for only two months more. Right now we have many questions and concerns for him, for our children, and for ourselves:

How will the transition back to his own home and family affect him? How will it affect our children? What amount of time will we need a break before we invite another child into our home through foster care? How do I cope with the guilt of looking forward to some relief as a parent of three back to two and yet handle my own mixed emotions about losing the little one I have come to love? What if we need several months “off” before we are ready to again become the orphan’s advocate that foster care requires?

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These questions only target this one facet of our lives…we know many more people and situations that require constant prayer.

The anxiety levels can build as we look at the mess and needs around us. Its presence can pervade our days without our expressed knowledge but rather a feeling, a heaviness, that we desire to be freed from.

Thankfully, as both the nurse and I clearly saw the stable was a cup, God sees the struggles in our view as whatever cup they may turn out to be: cups of grace and mercy, deliverance from or deliverance through, or cups of pain and purification for His glory and our ultimate good.

He who was born in the household stable came to drink the cup of God’s wrath on our sin so we wouldn’t have to. Lord, please give us eyes to see, as your Son, the cup poured before us and let us say as He did:

My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.

My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.

~Matthew 26:39, 42 (emphasis mine)

As we pray the Father’s will let us also claim His promises found in Philippians 4:6-7:

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be make known to God. And the peace of God will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

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Lessons for Every Day

5 Nov

Every day there are lessons to learn, truths we must remember, and His promises that we must cling to.

Our lives have significantly changed adding a third child to the mix. It feels we are in constant motion trouble shooting one situation after another. Ron and I joke that I need to start wearing black and white vertical stripped shirts and have the kids call me “Ref” as I referee most of their waking hours.

The verses from last week’s post need to be printed out and referred to daily in our home. In fact, perhaps I simply need to staple them to my forehead?!  I am constantly reminding myself not to complain, to use kind words, to treat others the way that I want to be treated while simultaneously pointing the finger at the children and instructing them to do the same.

The lessons that I want our kids to learn first need to be modeled in their own mom and dad before they can adequately take root. This is true for everyday lessons and in missional, intentional living.

With our step into foster care there have been multiple people who have told me, “I think it is great what you are doing. I wanted to foster, but I couldn’t bare the goodbyes. It would be too hard for me to say goodbye.”

I felt the same way initially. Ron and I were only open to adoption in the beginning. We didn’t think we were “made” to foster. The change in our attitudes came when we realized that there are more children than homes with foster parents. We learned that many of these kids were living in group homes or separated from their brothers and sisters.

We were reminded that all of our children are with us temporarily. The truth is, there are only finite days that God gives us to parent our children before they leave the nest. We decided that we will take the days given us with as many children as we choose to foster over our lifetime; be it one or twenty.

The final kiss goodbye to our sweet Little E is not something that I look forward to with anticipation. I am still relying on today’s grace for today’s race and will leave what remains to God. We continue taking our fears and frustrations to Him as often as we need to in prayer.

My emotions are no different than the next person. I, and all of my family, get attached. We love deeply, we apologize often, we forgive one another and live alongside each other with the love God has given us. This is no less true in foster care.

His love never changes(Hebrews 13:8), the people in our lives in which we can share His love do change.

If you or someone you know has any interest in foster care or adoption I encourage you to take a step in faith. It is a wild and difficult ride…one that our family has only begun. Perhaps hearing from a couple that has adopted multiple times would help? I encourage you to join us at our church to hear guest speaker Tony Dungy and his wife, Lauren, as they share their adoption story. Click here for more details.

You might think that learning everyday lessons every day seems elementary, but mastering everyday lessons isn’t. Keep at it friends…every day.

With love,

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Simple Addition

22 Oct

Most people would think that addition is a simple task of taking objects and grouping them together and determining their sum. However, when talking about adding love and lives a messy process can ensue.

We are so happy to welcome our Little E. He is observing our every move and learning to interact with siblings. His siblings are also learning to interact with him.

This weekend my mom and dad came for a visit and they embraced Little E with open arms and hearts. It is so wonderful to see all of our family embracing him as their newest addition. Both sides of the family have made E feel like he joined us from birth at the hospital. Truly a sweet working of God.

Transitioning from two to three kids has been as difficult as from one to two. Anyone who says that the jump from two to three is easier than one to two is either too far removed from that point in life or had a nanny! Seriously, God is working in some patience and revealing our need for prayerful surrender.

One area that is triple the work is the cleaning of objects and kids. There is never a break! I know this is a point in my character that reaches borderline OCD but everything has a place and everything should be in its place…at least that is what my philosophy is.

With this in mind I know there is selfishness being worked out of me or at least being brought to the surface for repentance and redirection.

Through this first two weeks into foster care, I can truly say that the Body of Christ has reached out to us in tangible ways. Prayer support, texts of encouragement, and gifts to help in caring for E have poured in. We are so thankful for all of the support and know that it is God’s way of saying “I love you” to us.  Thank you to each of you who have prayed and reached out in kindness towards our family.

The greatest hurdle so far has been health. Our E came in a sick little dude and has been on medication the entire duration of his time with us. Last week Joshua was diagnosed with pneumonia (this came out of nowhere) and we have all three kids on breathing treatments. At least 9 times a day a nebulizer machine is running in our home. We may need to pass a clean air act!

Thankfully, Emily’s treatment is more preventative and Ron and I have remained in good health. Both boys appear to be on the upswing. However, any prayers for the runny noses and coughing to cease would be much appreciated.

Addition, therefore, looks simple on paper, but in real life it can be beautifully messy. Addition with the foreknowledge of possible subtraction is even messier…so is the way of foster care.

I am hopeful that our family and His will use this as a means to earnestly seek Him.

 O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. ~Psalm 63:1

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A Merging of Lives

8 Oct

 

 

Yesterday we had the privilege of joining in the celebration of a merging of two lives in marriage.  The union of man and wife is a covenant that reflects that of Christ and His Bride, the Church.

As we watched Tyler and his beautiful bride, Laura, exchange vows, I reflected on our own wedding ceremony. Funny how even the details of our wedding were a foretelling of the personality traits of each of us and the ways in which we would work out this life together. Yet on our wedding day I would propose that in comparison to present-day, I hardly knew myself, let alone the wonderful godly man that I was marrying.

Yesterday, the pastor said that our covenant relationship of marriage is one that we continue to choose to make each day of our lives. It is true; as our love and the years grow, so will our understanding of one another and ourselves, as well as our graces with both.

Today, if everything goes as planned,  our family will travel to be united with our first foster child. As we venture this new path together, merging our lives with that of another child and family, I pray God’s name is glorified and His people edified. This child will have a wonderful temporary daddy in my Ron. Of that there is no doubt. God placed adoption on my heart from a young age and he placed a man in my life that equally embraced the idea from the start.

We will not be walking down an isle as we start this newest journey together, but with each step, and the facing of the unknown, we will do what we have done in marriage and parenthood to date: grow, laugh, cry, fail, fall, be renewed and seek His face and wisdom through the scriptures.

Thank you for joining in the celebration with your prayers! I will see you back next Monday as I am taking the week off to get acclimated.

This home is temporary but the rewards of heaven in His presence are eternal. Press on and in.

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Pour Another Cup

1 Oct

 

Today as I pour my morning cup of coffee it is with the realization that number three is days away from making his or her debut. We have decided not to find out the sex of the baby; rather I should say we haven’t made preferences known. We were officially licensed for foster care last Thursday, September 27, 2012. It happened only minutes after we picked our kids up on our return from the Grand Canyon.

I half expected a phone call in the night on Thursday: foster care families are in high demand. An empty bed is a scarce commodity in our county and little bodies in transition ready to fill them are at all time highs. Thankfully, we made it through the night without a call.

I am certain that God has plans in this foster care/adoption journey and they begin and end with giving Him glory. In the middle is pruning and sanctification; both of which I and my family need.

As we prepare for baby number 3, I consider the sacrifices that parents of young children are called to make. Another baby will ground us more. It is only in the last year alone, our children were “old enough” to leave overnight for the very first time to go on mission to Honduras and just recently a GTD trip (click here) to celebrate 10 years of marriage. Trips like these may have to be revisited later than I would like. That is the hard truth we face as we begin to foster; however, equally true is the fact that the babies that will enter and exit our home are known and loved by their Creator God and He has chosen us to be a part of their journey.

I pray for these children, as I pray for our own, that in the time we are blessed to raise them (even in those moments I do not want to pour another cup of milk or change another dirty diaper) that their early years will have a lasting, visible effect as that seen in the life of Moses:

By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward.

~Hebrews 11:24-26

We want all the children who pass through our home to have a Homeward focus because of being here and influenced by the living and active word of God: the Bible.

So we will ask the Holy Spirit to pour another cup of grace, mercy, provision, and wisdom into our hearts and minds through prayer, the Bible, and His people so that we may turn and pour Him into the lives of His kids.

Please pray for us on this journey. Thank you sincerely for reading friend.

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Tomorrow’s Race

22 Aug

Each child is a gift from God. No matter how children come to us, they are made in His image and were created to bring Him glory. Ron and I are blessed with two such children. We are seeking to adopt to make it one more.

As we have considered adoption we are now pursuing a license to foster as well. People will caution that you shouldn’t foster to adopt. However, this scenario happens and we are hoping that it does so for us.

Two nights ago Joshua was pushing his over-sized dump-truck outside and went down hard after he raced his truck bobsled style down a small slope in our court. He incurred two pretty nice knee scrapes that kept him awakening multiple times in the night. With little sleep from frequent calls for mom and dad, I came back to bed muttering, “And I want to foster only newborns?” Oh my!

Yesterday on the very few hours of sleep that I did manage to get, I kept asking, “Is foster care really going to work for us?”

The truth is, I really don’t know.

With another night of minimal hours of sleep, I awoke early this morning to some much needed quiet time to read.  I need that early morning time alone to be with my Father…and uninterrupted silence is golden. In my study I came upon these verses that spoke directly into my worried heart concerning tomorrow.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

~Matthew 6:33, 34 ESV

Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.

~Hebrews 13:20, 21 ESV

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

~James 1:5-8 ESV

God promises grace for today and hope for tomorrow. I cannot rely on today’s grace for tomorrow’s race.

What worries do you need to give God today that require tomorrow’s graces?

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