Today we remember our covenant we made 10 years ago. The merging of two lives spiritually and emotionally did not happen overnight, but rather transpired as we stayed the course and trusted God. This life provides the only opportunity to experience a relationship of husband and wife. I too often neglect this truth. In this temporary home, Ron Cooney is my best friend and lover. Over the last 10 years we have grown together and matured.
In celebration, I believe some reflection is in order. Here are 10 lessons that we have learned together the past decade:
1. Faithfulness is a choice we make that blesses our own lives and the lives of all we touch.
Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?~Proverbs 20:6
Ron quoted this verse to me just before he said “I love you” for the first time. He desired to be a faithful man. He was so well thought out. I, conversely, had not experienced the unfaithfulness of man to a large degree and quickly, though not entirely thoughtlessly, quipped back, “I love you too.”
Now 10 years later I have experienced the aftermath unfaithfulness leaves. I have seen the destruction that broken covenants inevitably produce and I am all the more aware of the gift that Ron continues to give me.
2. Patience is love waiting.
An inheritance gained hastily in the beginning will not be blessed in the end. ~Proverbs 20:21
Waiting to consummate the marriage on the marriage night and not rushing in the development of our relationship were both aspects that we desired in dating. Ron presented this verse to me, and in true Ron style practiced patience with us, with me, and in the progression of our lives from the start.
3. Purity in singleness prepares us for purity in marriage. Likewise, weaknesses in singleness carryover to our marriage.
To keep the marriage bed pure is not only a task of a single but an ongoing work of the married .With the rings is made a promise, with determination a commitment is kept. A good marriage takes work. Otherwise, we produce a relationship that is hardly working.
4. Perfection is a lie and a snare. “Be holy as I am holy.” Not, “Be perfect as I am perfect.”
You never arrive at the perfect marriage because it is a life-long marathon – not a sprint. We are imperfect people in need of purification by Christ which leads to holiness.
As with everything practice makes… almost perfect. Seek a holy relationship not a perfect one.
5. Differences can enliven or divide.
For example… ideals on money, child raising, and the use of our time and talents. It is hard but necessary to communicate our ideas to one another and arrive at a point of mutual agreement and practice.
6. Think before you speak, but speak before you fall apart.
If you think it and expect it, then project it. No man is a mind reader. We must convey our desires to avoid disappointment and conflict.
7. Marriage succeeds as a triune relationship.
It takes man and wife with God at the head to produce a healthy marriage.
Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. ~ Ecclesiastes 4:11-12
8. Keep it fun!
Continue to be playful and flirt with your mate! Try new things and continue to grow together.
9. Keep learning
… about your mate, marriage, and God via prayer, the Bible, and godly counsel.
10. Work as a team… know who to fight against.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. ~Ephesians 6:12
[…] I mislead them?” The question resonated in my mind shortly after posting Looking Back Over a Decade. In this post I wrote, “Perfection is a lie and a snare. ‘Be holy as I am holy.’ […]